“Peace is an attribute in you. You cannot find it outside. Illness is some form of external searching. Health is inner peace.” – from “A Course in Miracles”

What is healing?

Healing is the process of becoming whole again, whereas a cure is a remedy that alleviates symptoms. If we find ourselves on a very deep healing journey, we need more than a remedy. It requires courageous introspection and the sincere wish to understand the disharmony holistically. This means contemplating imbalances that exist beyond the physical body and developing awareness of possible emotional and mental causes of dis-ease.
By embarking on a healing journey, we become alchemists in our own lives. Alchemizing our suffering means compassionately embracing our shadows and transmuting them into light so that we can become whole again and return to a state of peace & harmony.
Furthermore, healing occurs when our body is out of survival mode and in a deep state of relaxation, in other words, when our body switches from “fight, flight, freeze or fawn” to “rest, digest, heal and restore” mode, i.e. from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system. Our body then has the ability to heal itself and restore equilibrium & homeostasis.

Connecting with our body and our intuition

Becoming a self-healer

When we engage in the work, we begin – step by step – to overcome our old self with all its subconscious conditioning and programming. We become aware of our self-limiting beliefs, thought patterns, old stories and habits that no longer serve us. We release stuck emotions and begin to self-regulate our emotional state. Reflecting on how we show up in the world on a daily basis becomes part of our life. It’s a continuous process of transformation in which we overcome our old self and embrace our most authentic self.

The further we get on our journey, the more confidence we develop in our own healing abilities. Not only does our intuition become stronger, but we are also more confident and trusting in every now moment. This is the turning point where we transition from just doing the work to actually being & living the work. We realize that we ARE indeed self-healers.

Past, present, future

When we talk about healing our past, we mean releasing the energetic residue in our body, such as suppressed emotions from the past, in the present moment so that we do not carry our wounds into the future, or rather, into future present moments. The present moment is all that exists. The past and the future are merely mental constructs. So the aim of healing techniques is to bring us into the present moment and into a relaxed state where healing can happen. Holistic health is our natural state when our energy is clean and pure.

Embracing our experiences

Experiencing suffering & dis-ease, facing obstacles and dealing with challenges in our lives are opportunities for growth and transformation. When we are aware that there’s an issue that needs to be addressed, we have the chance to move into acceptance of our current situation. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we simply accept the situation, let it be and don’t change anything. It means that we embrace our experience, bring gratitude to the situation and welcome it because we understand that it’s an opportunity for our soul’s evolution. We do not shy away from change. We take responsibility for our healing and personal transformation.

“When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” – Brené Brown

Keys to acceptance

The keys to accepting the present moment are honesty and surrender. When we are truly honest with ourselves, we stop denying our situation. And when we surrender, we let go of resistance to what is. Non-resistance or living in a state of surrender paves the way for our willingness to self-heal and transform, because it doesn’t mean non-action or living a passive life. It means that we stop complaining, blaming others and fighting the inevitable.
Consequently, we also stop identifying with our story and start owning it. We move from being the victim of our past to being the conscious creator of our reality. We cannot change the past, but we can change how we see it or react to it, as victims or as warriors who recognize the lessons and their story. It’s a shift in perception.
Accepting what is also means that we look at our situation without labeling it as good or bad. It is what it is. Life simply is. Removing judgment from the equation leads to further acceptance.

Doing the inner work

First and foremost, self-healing is about taking responsibility for our healing and doing the inner work. When we take accountability for our lives, it’s in fact the beginning of our journey where we truly walk the path of personal transformation & self-mastery. We walk the talk.
When we talk about doing the inner work, we mean this journey inwards where we bring awareness to our inner world. When we embrace vulnerability, we are able to acknowledge our shadows and triggers.
Self-healing asks us to diligently focus on our inner work, analyze our triggers, integrate our shadows, and leave burdens behind.

Furthermore, it’s important to understand that patience and devotion are required as we cannot force or rush our healing and progress on our spiritual path. The more we relax and trust in the unfolding of our healing journey, the more results we will see. Seems like a paradox, but it’s the truth. Control and force are attributes of the wounded masculine energy. This path calls for openness, vulnerability and receptivity, qualities of the Divine Feminine energy. In other words, “being” is required. Yes, we talk about “doing” the work, but the more we progress on our path, the more we understand that it’s about being present with ourselves, embodying the change and being our authentic, pure and Divine self.

Vulnerability & courage

Vulnerability means accepting the possibility of being judged, criticized or attacked by others when we emotionally expose ourselves with all our fears, past wounds, thoughts and dreams. Deep down we know what we truly need to live peacefully and full of energy, but we tend to ignore it and therefore no action follows. Admitting our needs to ourselves is crucial for our healing journey.
Being vulnerable means being courageous. It takes courage to take off our masks of self-protection and stop pretending that everything is fine.
Being vulnerable is not a weakness. It requires strength to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that healing is needed. Whatever the reason for a person’s need for healing, the willingness to be vulnerable is essential for continuing on this path. It is also necessary for a more meaningful and joyful life. The reward of being vulnerable is not only inner growth and greater self-knowledge, but also a deeper connection with others.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” – Brené Brown

Filling our spiritual toolbox

On our healing journey, we will be drawn to different healing techniques and spiritual practices. We try out different methods, find the ones that appeal to us the most, and fill our spiritual toolbox.
From my personal experience, I can say that having a toolbox filled with various healing methods and spiritual practices is pivotal. Healing is not a “one-size-fits-all” kinda thing and we need different methods that we can apply to different issues or to the same issue, but at different times, depending on what our intuition tells us.

Examples of healing techniques & spiritual practices

Here are some examples of healing techniques and spiritual practices we can add to our spiritual toolbox:

Avoiding spiritual bypassing

Although we know that being in a higher vibrational state and feeling joyful are signs that we are in Divine alignment, we also understand the importance of not falling into the trap of bypassing and avoiding lower emotional states, for example through our gratitude practices.
The healing journey or ascension path is not just love and light. Doing the inner work and facing our shadows means acknowledging how we truly feel in this moment. We don’t force ourselves to feel joyful when sadness wants to be transmuted. So we do that and bravely sit with our emotions.

We recognize the positive effects of cultivating elevated emotions, but we also understand that we should not spiritually bypass our evolution by suppressing lower emotions. Feeling is healing, we all know that by now. Others will also benefit from it because we are able to put an end to unleashing our emotions on them.

Self-reflection is part of our journey

On our path, we come to the realization that true change and transformation can only take place when we learn from our experiences, mistakes and past, and turn them into lessons learned. Only then are we able to make different choices in the now. Therefore, reflecting on our progress and our transformation journey is an important part of this process.
Self-reflection is not to be confused with an active inner critic. When we look at our progress or lack thereof, we do so with loving compassion, as if we were talking to a good friend. What we want to practice here is the first step of self-mastery, namely awareness. Without awareness, presence and the ability to observe neutrally, we are not able to self-reflect.
After we have been triggered, felt the emotions, and regulated our emotional state, we take time to reflect. It is important to identify our triggers and analyze them. We look at our underlying beliefs, thought patterns and behaviors. When we reflect on how we could think & behave differently, if this trigger occurred again, and truly internalize it through mental rehearsal, we are prepared to actually think & behave differently.

Self-reflection to live in alignment

Self-reflection also means tuning into our intuition and recognizing the things we need to let go of because they are out of alignment and no longer serve us, such as certain habits, foods, people, projects, places, etc. This is the precursor to making the necessary changes in our lives.
Furthermore, through self-reflection, we are able to take aligned & inspired action because we stop reacting from an emotional state and instead respond consciously from a regulated state.
Self-reflection is a sacred pause for introspection, revelations, and reconnecting with our soul and Divine self. In this way, we can progress further on our journey, be in flow with the Universe, live in alignment with our soul’s purpose, and experience effortlessness in our life.

Reflecting on our childhood

Healing steps to recover from emotional neglect and emotional & mental abuse

From my personal experience, I would like to share some steps that helped me overcome narcissistic abuse from my father and an ex-partner and resolve my childhood trauma:

Purifying our body & life

When we transmute our shadows and heal our past, we purify our body on all levels. We energetically free ourselves from our past by releasing subconscious conditioning & programming, self-limiting beliefs, and behavior patterns. When we move out of our head into our body through our spiritual practices, we are also able to release stuck emotions from our past, because our emotions are stored in our body. We cannot free ourselves from our trauma by only thinking or talking about it. Working with our body is crucial and necessary for our self-healing and energetic purification.

Healing crisis

Healing phases

Healing is neither linear nor continuous. There are phases in which nothing seems to happen. It’s like a pause on our journey. These periods are important for integration and recalibration. We cannot constantly pursue our healing. Our physical body needs a break from all the cleansing and purifying. Beyond that, healing is more of an upward spiral. We circle back to things we thought we had healed, only to heal them more deeply and completely as we move to higher levels of consciousness.
As we undergo personal transformation, we experience a process of death and rebirth, over and over again. There are moments when we let go of parts of our old self and remove a layer of conditioning. We die, spiritually speaking, only to be reborn as our new self, or rather as a more authentic self.

We retreat to heal after we have received some form of initiation or activation. We purge denser energies and integrate newly gained perspectives and insights. Phases of hermit mode or sacred solitude alternate with phases of going back out into the world and revealing our more authentic version to others.

Signs that you are healing

Are you wondering if you’re making progress on your holistic healing journey and ascension path?
Here are some signs that you’re healing and evolving:

Pitfalls and traps on your healing journey

If you feel stuck on your healing journey, here are some possible reasons:

1. You attend seminar after seminar, read book after book and still don’t see much progress on your path.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attend workshops, see a therapist, read books, etc. Not at all! The difference is: are you doing it to get inspired and improve your skills? Or are you stuck in the search? If the latter is the case, you have fallen into the trap of still looking outside yourself. You are busy searching on the outside, when in reality everything you need is within you.

2. You are still in a pattern of codependency.

If you don’t tend to the wounds caused by this dysfunctional behavior pattern that you adapted as a child, they will dictate your adult life. On the spiritual path, this can show up as putting spiritual teachers, healers, therapists, etc. on a pedestal or losing yourself in group settings. You follow their teachings, attend all their seminars, retreats, etc., but you stay stuck in the pattern of codependency, where you have no sense of self, ignore your own needs and have no personal boundaries. This leaves the door open for spiritual teachers who aren’t actually from the light. You are easy prey for cults, false gurus or just people who want to take advantage of you and are after your money.
On our journey, we need time to ourselves, where we retreat into solitude to be able to fully surrender to whatever comes up for healing and to give our body time to recalibrate. If you join a group too soon, or if it’s the only thing you do, you become dependent on the group and do not take full responsibility for your healing. We are responsible for our own healing. We cannot give our responsibility away. There’s nothing wrong with seeking support in groups, but there needs to be a balance with spending time in solitude. Caterpillars do not retreat together into a chrysalis. No, they are alone in there until they transform and emerge as a beautiful butterfly. This is a wonderful symbol of our own journey and emphasizes the importance of solitude. We embrace our alone time to be able to transform into a butterfly and fully spread our wings.

3. You still don’t trust your inner guidance.

In the beginning, our intuition is this soft, inner voice. Whereby, our ego and the chatter in our head are quite loud and noisy. It takes practice to quiet the mind and be able to receive the messages from our intuition and our team in spirit. And even if you do hear your intuition, you might not follow its guidance because you don’t trust it, or because it’s easier to ignore it, because you don’t like what your gut feeling is telling you. Hearing and trusting our intuition and inner guidance is a skill that we learn to master more and more as we progress on our journey.
A simple exercise to strengthen your intuition is: When you have to decide between different options, say option 1 out loud or in your head, and feel how your body reacts. Does your body feel light? Does your chest open? Or does your body feel heavy and your chest close? The latter is a “no” from your intuition. The first is a “yes”. And then you can do this with the other options as well.

4. You are still in stress mode.

Your spiritual practices have become just another means to distract yourself from the discomfort you are feeling. You may think you have created a healthy habit, but in reality you have just replaced one addiction, obsession, or escapist strategy with another to distract or numb yourself.
How do you know if this applies to you? Firstly, your meditation, your yoga practice, etc. is simply another item on your to-do list that needs to be checked. There’s no real joy involved. You are not truly looking forward to it. It’s an “I should” or “I have to”. Secondly, you try to keep yourself busy to avoid those uncomfortable emotions that arise immediately when you pause for a moment.
Therefore, your body is still in stress mode or survival mode, is out of balance, and you cannot fully relax into the present moment. Healing can only happen in the present moment, because only then does our body switch to rest and repair mode. The reason for this is as follows.

5. You are still trying to control or force an outcome.

You cannot let go of control. You try to force your progress because you are still acting from your wounded masculine energy, regardless of your gender. The spiritual path asks us to get out of our head and into our heart and body.
When we embrace our feminine energy and embody its Divine expression, we are able to be open, vulnerable, and receptive. This is key on our healing journey. It’s a process where we learn to surrender, lean in, trust and be patient more and more. We move away from this urgency culture of wanting instant results and gratification. We are at peace with ourselves and the unfolding of our journey.

6. You are still comparing your path with that of others.

In the beginning, we look to others for inspiration on how to even start this healing journey. But at some point, we have to shift our focus away from them and on ourselves. If you keep your focus on others, you put tremendous pressure on yourself because you’re constantly comparing your progress to where they are on their journey or what they are doing. And you’re back to example 5 where you’re trying to control or force an outcome.
Stop putting pressure on yourself about how far along you should be on your journey. Stop comparing. Relax. This is not a competition. Enjoy where you are right now. Everything is as it should be. You are not behind. You are on schedule as your soul decided prior to your incarnation. Everything unfolds in your unique divine timing.

7. You developed a spiritual ego and are actually bypassing.

You identify with your practices. You have created a spiritual personality. You do all these things because that’s what a spiritual person does. Or rather, it’s what you think a spiritual person does. In all of this you are so busy upholding a mask of a spiritual personality that you forget or consciously bypass the feeling and healing part. You can’t positive think your way out of the need for healing or fake it until you make it.
You can do all the right things, attend all the right seminars, eat the right food, wear the right clothes, own all the right crystals, etc., but if you don’t feel the meaning of it all, if you don’t feel it in your body, if you don’t live with intention and attention and constantly try to avoid your emotions, you are trying to bypass the step where we face our shadows with loving awareness. Then everything is just a masquerade or a facade.
We see our wounds, traumas, and unhealthy habits, and tune into old emotions. We acknowledge them and feel them. We feel it all. We don’t bypass and pretend that we are all just love and light. No, we feel all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. Feeling is healing.
We don’t hold on to the beautiful states of joy, bliss and peace, nor to the lower states of sadness, anger, frustration, and worry. We enjoy the blissful states. We enjoy the lower states. Without judgment. Without attachment. But with acceptance, because we know that we are in a state of flow just like the Universe.

8. You procrastinate and self-sabotage.

If you find yourself in the situation where you want to take action but are procrastinating, here are three possible explanations.

Firstly, you might actually feel comfortable in your suffering. Sounds crazy? But the truth is that you find it difficult to break out of your suffering because it feels familiar and safe. It has become your comfort zone. Leaving your comfort zone would mean you’d have to embrace the unknown, and that feels scary and unsafe. Your subconscious fears prevent you from taking action. That’s why you stay in situations that feel familiar, even if they are actually unhealthy or harmful to you.

Secondly, your nervous system may be dysregulated. How do you know that? Because you feel overwhelmed and exhausted all the time. Your body is constantly in survival mode. That’s why you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to commit to your healing practice. Getting out of a state of dysregulation requires consistent practice of your healing tools and the ability to manage your time.

Thirdly, you may not be sure what actions you need to take to get out of survival mode. A coach or mentor can help you identify your triggers, get to the root of them, and find action steps so you can manage your response to your triggers. Seeking support in the form of 1-on-1 sessions can be very helpful, especially at the beginning of your healing journey until you can more easily connect with your own intuition and inner guidance.

9. You still think you need your practices.

You may be well on your way to truly master being a self-healer, but you hold on tightly to all of your practices. It means that you are mainly in your masculine energy and that you tend to shun your feminine energy. It’s like you’re afraid to let go of your crutches or training wheels. You cling to them because you believe that without them you won’t be able to keep your energy and consciousness at a higher level. If you cling too tightly to your practices, you are in some way standing in the way of the Divine so that your healing and transformation cannot unfold naturally in alignment with the Universe.

This is what happened to me. I believed that in order to thrive as a highly sensitive person in this world I needed all of my practices. I was afraid to let go of them and fully step into the unknown. That’s why I had very rigid morning and evening routines. I know they propelled me forward on my spiritual path, but there came a moment when I was asked to take it to the next level and surrender even more into my feminine energy. It was a lesson in surrendering fully to the present moment, accepting whatever comes up, practicing what suits me at that exact moment and not what my routine tells me to do, and trusting completely in the unfolding of my spiritual path and in the Divine.

We can’t plan, rush or force our personal transformation, evolution, and ascension. We are devoted to our path and walk it with ease and grace. We live intuitively and are not attached to our healing tools. We know that self-healing and transformation is a natural process, as natural as breathing.