When we are on our journey back home to our Self, we soon come across the topic of self-love.
On the ascension path, self-love means accepting and appreciating ourselves exactly as we are in this moment while striving to become the best version of ourselves – revealing our Divine self in the process. But to achieve this, the state of unconditional love for ourselves requires two very important and powerful ingredients: speaking our truth and having strong & healthy boundaries. They are key to demonstrating true self-love and go hand in hand.
Speaking our truth
When we talk about speaking our truth, we mean staying true to who we are, how we feel, what values we hold dear, and what we believe in. It’s the moment when we stop hiding and begin showing our authentic self to the world. Speaking our truth is authentic self-expression.
Being honest with ourselves, admitting what is no longer working in our life, recognizing what we need to nourish ourselves holistically, and voicing our needs are all part of this process and journey to lived self-love. Furthermore, it means how we creatively express ourselves in the world through our work, our business, our gifts and passions. The more we remember who we truly are at the core soul level, the more we want to express it in all areas of our life.
Easier said than done
Speaking our truth unapologetically in any situation is easier said than done because we often deal with people who still wear a mask and show a false identity to the world. I know it’s not easy. So start small. Start with people you trust and then go from there. But there will come a moment when the Divine asks you to share your truth and wisdom with more people. Fear may arise. The fear of rejection, the fear of being misunderstood, judged, ridiculed, attacked or silenced. You may be shaking in your boots at the thought of showing up in your authenticity and your raw Self, but nonetheless, you will feel the nudge to express yourself authentically. Follow these nudges.
Being vulnerable & courageous
Speaking our truth requires both courage and vulnerability. Vulnerability means accepting the possibility of being judged, criticized or attacked by others when we emotionally expose ourselves with all our fears, past wounds, thoughts, passions, wishes and dreams. Being vulnerable means being courageous, because it takes courage to take off our masks of self-protection, stop pretending, show our authentic self, and start speaking openly.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” – Brené Brown
A side effect
When we speak our truth and stop hiding our true Self, we share from our heart – the place where our Divinity resides. A side effect of authentic self-expression is a deeper connection not only with ourselves, but also with others who are also living in their truth. True soul connections can emerge.
The path of complete authenticity and total integrity holds more rewards. By speaking empowering and truthful words out loud or writing them down, we not only strengthen and enhance our own spiritual development, but also inspire others along the way, and with our high vibrational words we also uplift the collective consciousness.
Setting healthy boundaries
When we begin to speak our truth and shine brightly, the second powerful ingredient to demonstrating true self-love comes into play. If we want to embody Divine love, where we love ourselves and others unconditionally, we must set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the distance at which we can love ourselves and others at the same time. Setting boundaries is therefore an act of love – an act of self-love.
Our deeper connection with ourselves becomes the driving force for our boundaries because we know what is in Divine alignment with our core soul frequency, our needs, our mission and purpose, and what is not or no longer aligned.
Alignment as our intuitive guide
We say “no” when our intuition tells us it’s a no. We say “yes” when we really feel like it’s a yes. People will love us for it because they can sense that we’re authentic and truly mean what we say.
Saying “no” to things that are not in Divine alignment with us is not only loving to ourselves, but also shows our boundaries. Boundaries need to be communicated. Staying silent just to keep the peace is not a boundary. It’s self-betrayal. Those who don’t speak their truth and don’t set boundaries are betraying themselves and their intuition. They will end up developing self-resentment and resentment towards others. So true self-love is listening to our intuition and acting on it.
A misconception of the embodiment of Divine love
It’s a misconception that if we want to walk the path of light and embody Divine love, we have to be available to other people at all times because we are so loving and selfless.
Being the embodiment of unconditional love doesn’t mean that we ignore our need for alone time, are a doormat for others, engage in self-sacrifice, or please others at the expense of our health and well-being. Quite the opposite. We are not responsible for other people’s feelings, suffering and healing in the sense that we can regulate their emotions or solve their problems for them. Every single one us needs to embark on their own healing journey and ascension path. Without healthy boundaries, we enable others to stay dependent on us or continue to take advantage of us.
People pleasing is not a sign of true love
Firstly, we need to understand that people pleasers only think that they love and give freely and unconditionally. As people pleasers, they unconsciously demand something in return, e.g. appreciation, attention, or love. And we are back to the old paradigm of conditional love. Trying to always please others is toxic behavior. It’s the wounded feminine energy showing its manipulative streak. This behavior is not only a coping mechanism we learned in childhood, but also a trauma response to feel safe in an unsafe or unpredictable environment. It’s a behavior to control how others perceive us and to prevent us from being abandoned.
Secondly, it’s important to understand that people pleasers send a signal to the Universe that they don’t love themselves and that the other person is more important. So people pleasing has nothing to do with true love or true self-love. It couldn’t be further from the truth of what love actually is.
Letting go of guilt
At the beginning of our healing journey, we may feel guilty when we set boundaries. It may feel selfish, but loving ourselves is not selfish. It’s important and crucial to our healing process and personal evolution. As we learn to set healthy boundaries, we also stop enabling and allowing dysfunctional behaviors from others. Through our previous misperception of what love and empathy are, we have allowed dysfunctional, toxic or abusive behaviors to continue.
Always remember that without appropriate boundaries, you unconsciously send the message to others that you are okay with being mistreated. True love and empathy do not involve self-neglect.
As our love for ourselves grows, we learn to set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty. The more we truly love ourselves and live authentically, the stronger our boundaries become. When someone crosses our boundaries, we must speak up. It’s our job and our responsibility to enforce and reinforce our boundaries. It’s the most loving thing we can do.
Some people will get offended or triggered
When someone genuinely loves themselves, it will trigger others. There’s no doubt about it. Because most people still hide behind their masks of a false identity and have self-limiting beliefs.
When we step into our full power and truly love ourselves, we will trigger others because we mirror to them what could be possible for them too. If they are afraid to show up authentically, love genuinely and set healthy boundaries, they will, or rather, their ego will find ways to talk them out of pursuing this healing journey.
And of course there will be people who will get offended, annoyed or angry when we set boundaries because they previously took advantage of the fact that we didn’t have any. Don’t take it as a sign to revoke your boundary. It’s a sign that your boundary was needed.
Embodying true self-love
Embodied and lived self-love is the way forward. Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, are we able to love others unconditionally. As within, so without. This inner change will be reflected in our outer world – in our connections with others who have also not shied away from this inner transformation.
Being the embodiment of unconditional self-love means honoring our truth, our intuition, our needs, and our energy in every now moment. Authentic self-expression and having healthy boundaries are two powerful ingredients for living a life of self-love. This is how we show others the best way to live life if we want to usher in the New Earth. A life in which we respect each other’s truth and boundaries, because that’s what unconditional love does.
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